You’re totally into a new guy. He seems hot for you and it’s been a couple of months. You’re hopeful this will turn into something meaningful, but you just can’t get that voice of doubt out of your head, “What if he’s still playing the field?” He just hasn’t trotted out the magic words “relationship” or “girlfriend” yet. So, what do you do?
Your feelings of growing emotional investment spiked with a tinge of anxiety are actually a great sign that it’s time to have the “exclusivity chat.” It’s a mistake to keep blindly walking down the path of 'relationship', assuming that you and your new beau are on the same page, because often you’re not wanting the same thing.
So after 1-3 months of dating, it’s the perfect time to sit down and get some clarity about where your connection is heading. But you’ve got to be smooth because you don’t want to wig out your guy and send him running. Timing is crucial.
Here are a few signs that it’s time to take your relationship to the next level:
- He reaches out to you at least a few times a week, with phone calls, emails, and/or texts.
- He makes plans ahead of time with you, at least once a week.
- He’s invited you into his wider world by meeting his friends, family, or co-workers or hanging out at his hobbies (like watching him play softball, going out in a group, or having a dinner party).
- He’s shared feelings, confiding in you about something that makes him angry, sad, or insecure.
How to Have the Exclusivity Chat
Once your guy has shown some of these signs of being emotionally invested in your growing bond, it’s time to chat about creating a mutually committed relationship.
The important thing is to keep it casual. It’s best to bring it up while engaged in an activity, like hiking or even driving- when men have an easier time talking about important things without feeling hemmed in or pressured.
Think of it as exploring options. Try something like this:
“You know, I’m really enjoying getting to know you and I get the sense that there’s a real possibility for a meaningful connection here. I’d love to explore that connection more fully, by dating only each other for awhile. I don’t want to be distracted by anyone else. How would you feel about that?”
If a guy’s really into you and ready for more, you’ll get a positive response- because deep down he wants you all to himself.
But if he’s been having doubts, his iffy response will help open the door to discuss the concerns you both have about moving ahead.
That’s the beauty of this conversation- however it goes, you’ll get some clarity about how to stay on track to finding an awesome, committed partner.
That’s why I strongly suggest having this conversation no later than 3 months in, because if, by then, you both don’t feel the pull to commit more deeply, then you don’t want to waste more time.
If he’s still unsure after 3-4 months, move on to find the guy who can’t wait to give his whole heart just to you!
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